Pierre Dybman (dybmapi) wrote,
Pierre Dybman

What i think about when i think about the end of the treatment

After ten sessions, and with the 11th looming large in the coming days, i've been silent here, but also thinking a lot about the path completed, and the few next steps needed to complete the full treatment.

As temperatures go down again in Brussels, with snow going out of the window, and a problem with my heating system, i am contemplating a few days of chemo and post-chemo under freezing conditions.
And this is not a nice prospect, as my neuropathy is now more of a constant than a passing phase, three or four days every two weeks.
Humidity makes it worse, as well as cold winds. Heavy gloves, scarves, protection for the nose, but i have yet to feel any problem with the feet, and now can hope to finish the protocol without having suffered from that, which i would find a debilitating side-effect, having regularly walked 10000 steps and more per day, sometimes up to 14 km.

These days, my nose is a worry, as any sniff or attempt to clear it will result in some loss of blood or bloody matter.
No autonomous or regular nose bleed, but i am getting worried about the last two chemo sessions, i would like to avoid that, particularly when the last platelets count was so good.

The wait between the last session, and the PET-scan, one month later, is supposed to help get you organism rid of a large part of the accumulated products (toxic) that have been pumped over six months. And provide a clean bill of health, or a call for alarm.

4 weeks to find out on which train you'll be going from there. 4 long weeks, doubts, hopes, what ifs, could it be that...

As Ambroce Bierce once wrote, alone means in bad company! Too much time to think about too bad things.

Yesterday i had the opportunity to read an interview of Bill Zheme, who appears to be a relatively well known columnist from Chicago.

You'll find the whole thing here: http://www.chicagomag.com/Chicago-Magazine/January-2017/Bill-Zehme-Cancer/

He has survived a stage IV colo-rectal cancer, and rather poor odds.

I was struck by the paradox, the internal contradiction between his position of not communicating about his illness and treatment during the whole phase, not wanting to go ont he intent to research his case and the treatments available, while at the same time writing a book about it, and giving interviews, now that he seems to have crossed the line.

Is information a good or bad thing? How much is too much information? How much is too much pity or compassion received?

I think each of us will have to find the balance that works best for him, and i will not try to generalise my own needs or conclusions as the best way to deal with this challenge.

I still think that it's useful to see the rather wide spectre of possibilities, and be aware in advance about possible issues, side-effects, problems that may (or not) arise. You don't feel so surprised when one or the other comes up for you.

This is why i think very highly about the new targeted treatments, and the possibilities opened by boosting your own immune system to fight your own specific type of cancer, with its known mutations, to prevent it from disseminating further.

More info on Monday with new blood results, and some reflections about the effects of the cold wave on me.
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